Taho. Now that's one healthy street-peddled breakfast I haven't tasted for years. If I remember it right, the last time I waited for and hailed a taho peddler in the streets was some ten years ago. It's obvious how long it had been since the price of a regular taho glass then was two pesos or so. Now, it's ten pesos! Anyway, if you missed something, then it's worth anything.

Funny how artificial life could get in the city. In Bulacan (where I am spending a lazy weekend now), it relieves me to see how some life's so different here compared to that of the corporate world. Life seems to be slow and fresh here. Yun nga lang, if you stay here quite often, a girl used to a busy life would definitely bloat in boredome.

Anyway, back to taho. The reason I'm so all jolly and appreciative here is that last Friday, I got to taste Nestle's Taho while doing a stop-over in the Petron Station in the North Expressway. I was sooo hungry, then, but I don't want to overeat since I've been doing this oatmeal diet since June. No oatmeal in sight then, so I figured, this Nestle's Taho should be a good substitute. Besides, there's a rave in the office that this preservative-filled Taho tastes quite well.

Yuck. I didn't like the flavor. If biodegradeable has a flavor, that was it. I pity my sissies in the office- they probably haven't experienced how a real Taho tastes like. Just then, I figured and almost forgot, I was in Manila, and almost all my berks never stayed quite long in the provinces. Almost everything, even Taho, is artificial here. Now, I have a mission. That day, I suddenly had this motivation to save them from their artificially-nourished lives. I ought to take them somewhere in the province if there is a chance... may taho rin ba sa UP Diliman? That, I still have to figure out.

...after I finish this glass of taho.

Nowadays, Kris is big. She's every headline you'd see everywhere. She's every jabber you'll probably hear in the streets. She's every issue you'd probably encounter in any regular day discussion. And I didn't thought she'd turn to be the latest bayani Filipinos (or Filipinas) would have since Sarah Balabagan (Have you seen this chick lately?).

Yup! She has turned into a bandwagon.

From showbusiness to politics (in the country, there's no line separating em), people talk about how Kris served as a role model of Filipino women. Upon exposing and admitting that her live-in partner, Joey "Sissy Boy" Marquez, had been violating her for so long to millions of television freaks worldwide, once again the Philippines is bombarded with issues blown-out into uncontrolled proportions, only the Stocks Exchange remained unblemished and unshaken (surprisingly). Active women's group suddenly appear from all over, celebrating another success in the fight for women's rights and feminism, and in making everyone aware of related issues such as "domestic violence" and "women's rights."

Ah. Feminism. Let as focus on that.How does feminism work? If feminism works upon the notion that women should be treated not the same as how men should be treated in the society because the latter is naturally a weak species, then I'm no feminist. Say I am in a crowded bus and a guy suddenly offers a seat just because I'm a woman, I will definitely be offended. Or my boyfriend (supposing that I have one) hurts me because as a woman, I am never allowed to have nights out with my male friends. Now that would make me feel violated. Why? There is this assumption that men are stronger than women in this situation, or women have more limitations than men in the society- I should be seated instead of this guy because I am a woman or I should be home when night falls. Screw that idea! We are not weak! We may have some problems in terms of the physical aspect, or issues in terms of the emotional aspect... and ok, we complain more than guys do. But these qualities are not weaknesses. They are qualities that make us different, just like how male arrogance and instant hormonal urges make men different from us. We are different, but we all belong to the human species. Both genders came from planet Earth, so why treat them in a different manner? Feminism should work not on the basis that these genders are different. Feminism is about asserting that we are no different from men.

Although this is soooo 90s, I must say: You go, girl.

*moan* I hate paperwork.

(Also included in the "What Annoys Me Today" section"

What annoys me today is the fact that an hour before I wrote this article, I watched Kris Aquino whine on live tv.

I know Kris Aquino because of her terrible flicks. She is a bad actress. She does not know how to act, actually. Thus, her movies went down the drain. I know her also because of how she puts shame to the honorable name of the Aquinos. Well, in the interview with her co-Morning Girl Korina Sanchez, she admitted it. Good for her. Bad, though, was her decision not to wear make-up during the interview. Goodness, she looked terrible. (Now, I see her new Chunkee cornedbeef commercial where she's all glamorous like she's always been on TV.) Of course, I'm not stupid not to be aware that not wearing a makeup would present Kris Aquino as a not-so-happy gal. But I wonder how others would say about it. "Ooooh... she looks terrible. She must be telling the truth." "Goodness! She doesn't look good. She must be battered or something." Ah. The sad tormented auspicious look. Never fails to draw tears among most Filipino viewers.

I'm not insinuating that she's not telling the truth! To tell people honestly, I felt for her. I don't know why, but rarely does it happen that I would resist looking upon a tear-eyed face on TV for quite that long. (The interview lasted for more than thirty minutes, and when I checked, I've beaten my last record, which is five seconds.) Maybe because my officemates were just so amazed about what is on TV, that my attention was caught that much by it. I listened to what this woman said, and I realized... Kris could be a bad actress, but gosh, what talent she has in telling stories... so real... so convincing. Actually, she just did what a usual celebrity would do if comfronted with the same disgraceful situation. Imagine being pointed at with a gun by someone whom you love. Tonight, although it seemed that she fired her makeup artists, thus her/his absence) she probably had turned three-fourths of the Philippine population to her side. She earned it. Good for her! (There is a first here: This is the first time I saw a celebrity talk about her misfortunes without weeping or crying or doing all those eeky teary stuff).

Joey Marquez. Now there's a bad actor on or off camera. I just realized it now. (We happened to take a peek on what was happening on the other channel, we discovered that, of course! like cats and dogs, these two big tv networks are all into the Aquino-Marquez issue.) I also know Joey Marquez cuz not only did he deliver good comedy in the once-original-but-now-dead Kool Ka Lang (Today's Kool Ka Lang sucks.), he also happens to be the mayor of Paranaque City. But now, I just don't know what to think of this person. I was expecting that he'd look strong and manly when confronted with this situation- as the respected mayor of his city and as a respected comedian that he is. But lo and behold! On my TV screen comes sissy pansy Joey Marquez (also using the battered person technique, which totally destroys all my notions that he is a man) also whining about how Kris Aquino allegedly abused him blah blah blah, wearing an almost tear-eyed face. He would have been equally convincing if he faced the Filipino audience like a man. Ah. Right there and then, I saw Joey Marquez do a Kris Aquino impression of how she would react to the same situation. Wait. They are in the same situation! Ha ha ha!

Conclusion: Since these two delivered their grievances not in a showbiz-oriented show, but on news and public affairs shows of both ABS-CBN and GMA7, I couldn't help but think why I deserve to see this during the only time I choose to watch TV. I expect news about the country, not news about these two deranged lovers! I don't even care if these two people kill each other with kitchen knives. Bongbong Marcos is right when he told the media to leave them alone. However, if media people thinks this is what Filipinos should focus their attention on (and I'm expecting that tomorrow, that will be the case)... then I have no choice but to find refuge in reading Harry Potter and the Order of Phoenix.

Lyndon Gregorio of beerkada made a comic strip with me on it... that's just soooo sweet. Thanks, Mr. L! You really know your way to a woman's heart. mwahh... I hope to see you again soon, so I could return the favor... ;o)

Peeps, go check out the comicstrip here.

I used to be your girl. I used to be your number one fan. I still am. A die-hard fan. You used to delight me whenever I hear you sing your heart out on stage. I always am amazed by the way you stared at me, as if you can almost single me out from the audience- as if I am the only one there for a moment. I'd love to hear your voice every once in a while. Even a whisper of your soft melody touches my soul, giving it the ability to fly. You amaze me in a thousand and one more ways possible. I don't know why. You used to say hello whenever I pass by. I used to return a simple smile, holding deep inside the immense excitement just by seeing you around, as you single me out from a hundred more creatures passing by. I used to cherish those moments. I cherish them still.

Now that, indeed, you are not far from my reach, I am blessed. I don't feel far away anymore. One by one, you fulfilled dreams I thought I'd never have in this lifetime. You witfully gave them all to me, swiftly with a touch only from you shall I receive. Now that I found you again, the world returned to it's usual colors, colors that I have missed so much. Although your absence cause much more wanting to be with you now, more than ever, I am glad we've met again. I never thought I missed you that bad, because realized now, I still do.

I love you, Ely. And I'm sorry I'm such a fool not to tell you about this. For years, I've been keeping this, and I gained no guts to let you know about this. I just don't know how I'd take rejection if it comes slapping my face till it hurts.

I know you know that whenever I look at you, there is something different. I know you know, because you don't seem to be bothered by it. I know you already know eversince we last met- I am a failure when it comes to keeping whatever is in me that is supposed to be kept as a secret. Anyway, I admit I lost. You won. You caught me defenseless. I was careless. Still, you don't seem bothered by it. Why?

Now that I have showed up after years of solitude, questions arise: Am I doing well in your eyes? Am I now worthy of your attention? Of your love? Worthy to hold you in my arms? To share the same world with you? To stare at you while we ignore time and space? Make love with you? Am I worthy to be with you? To love you? To want you? To give you everything that I possess? To share with you the dearest of what I have? To make you realize that it was only you who give spice to the boredome that is my life? To tell you of these well-kept secrets?

Do you think of me now? Do I even pass by whenever you dream? Do you look forward to seeing me again? Are you glad that I went by? Are you glad to see me after all these years? Do you ever miss me? Do you ever think of all those years when we should have been together? Do you ever wish that somehow, I should have had the guts to tell you how I felt years ago for you? Have you thought of how the years that passed by could have been? Do you ever think that I truly think of all these every now and then?

Now that I finally have the chance to say goodbye, the thought of me losing you at last haunts me. When I think of you, I know how much you mean to me, yet I find myself lost. I can't lose you but I must. I miss you, though I shouldn't. I love you, yet I can't. I want to be with you now, yet I don't have the means. I have the will, yet I have no reason. You bring me pain and happiness at the same time. You are my contradiction. My sweet dilemma.

I've never been so confused in my life. I've never been so sure about what to do the next hour, the next day, the next who-knows-when. I walk everyday with only you in my mind, and the should-have-beens if we were really meant to be together. I can't shake you off my mind. I can't take you off my life. I can't believe that three hours could cause such damage and bliss at the same time. That is how you are to me. Mystery.

It wouldn't be this much bothersome if you didn't hold my hand before we parted. This wouldn't be if we didn't meet at all. I was alone a couple of days ago, and I seemed contented witht that kind of soltitude. Still, I went restless, looking for something lacking in me. And by finding you who completes me, returning to the usual reality just isn't much of a soltitude anymore. My wanting to see you again, to touch you again, to be held in you arms again... it is killing me.

So hear me, Ely! Hear me! Before I bid farewell to everything precious in my heart that you hold in possession, let me tell just tell you: I love you. I love you so much. And God knows I searched for you in places I knew you'd be, but you were never there.I still think of you. Even though there's a feeling of comfort in every day that passes, I fear that it just says that I'm beginning to live through it, instead of getting over it... or getting over you. U.P. is still here in my heart, and I'm beginning to find out that you've been standing there eversince. Five long years that thoughts of you coming and passing by my mind was kept deep inside, ignored, not thrown away. Somehow, thoughts of you, memories of being with you, kahit sandali lang, were not erased, forgotten, taken for granted. They were cherished... subconciously. And I never knew how much you mean to me until our eyes met for the last time, until you held my hand once again, just recently.

I find myself there, in the tambayan, standing again, waiting another longest wait done in my life. Waiting for you. I've been waiting after you left without my knowing. Crying. Hoping for your return. You left me, and I wept till the day the sun shined upon my face for the very first time, when I found somebody else to fill my weary heart. But the unsatisfied gipsy will always long for the star that used to guide her fantasies. She returns to the night. She will always miss the nights when she loved the sky, as I miss the nights being with you, missing you, staring at your sleepy eyes, blaming you for my weariness, even if it happens only in the depth of my fantasies, in the throne of my endless dreams, in the bitterness of your absence.

I thought I'd finally say goodbye. But upon finding you, I realize that I have lost you for eternity. Tonight I reminisce the day you once left me alone in that place, the day when I began searching for you, the day I failed in finding you. Tonight, I realized I'll never ever be able to forget you. You'd probably be haunting my thoughts, my mind, my dreams, my future... but if in that way, I could keep you in me, so be it.

This sucks.

I just did a veeery long diary entry kanina, and what happened? While uploading the whole text, blogger had a network problem. Wow. Talk about inefficiency.

Do I have to start all over again? Do I have to repeat every detail I thought of a while ago? AaAaRgH! Yes. I have to.

Kanina, I was all enthusiastic about telling everyone the news that I finally got myself a new car. Yes. A Honda City Red slightly-used car that I got through car loan. Thank God for Car Loan Plans. It's not loaded, but it's fine. As long as it has radio and CD player in it, I'm good to go. However, people won't be seeing me driving in the streets for now. I still have to renew my driver's licence. I still have to review stuff regarding driving. I still have to ask people if driving today is still the same as driving several years ago, specially in Makati and along Taft Avenue. I heard it's never the same every day. What the hell does that mean?

Speaking of meaning, I have this Filipino term, the English translation of which I have no idea. Maaliwalas. Now, how do you translate that word to English? Sunny? No. Airy? No. Bright? No. Somebody email me how in the world you translate this into Filipino. It's been bugging me for days now.

Back to driving. I'd probably hate driving my new red car in the streets of my hometown. Traffic there is SLOOOOOOOOOW. Get it? SLOOOOOW. Baliktad nga eh. Whenever there's a traffic enforcer, traffic slows down. In their absence, traffic is ok. Mysterious? Yes.

My mom's currently watching the biggest ABS-CBN gimmick ever made yet- the METEOR FEVER. There, you see how creative Filipinos are in wasting their hard-earned money. P10,000.00 just to see some celebrities do their stuff in an hour or more. Amazing how people get grumpy and angry whenever they lack finance, and how they do magic when they got some. Imagine what one can do with ten thousand bucks. Feed the your family. A year's education for your children. A month's worth of household bills. But to many here in the Philippines, seeing chinovela stars on stage is well worth it than those necessities. Heck, they would even sell their souls just to see em up close and personal.

Yaaadidadida... Kris Aquino sometimes speak so loudly, I can't even hear myself thinking. But, in fairness, I love her fashion sense. Go Kris. Yaadidadida....

Speaking of clothes, a guy actually stepped on my foot while I was browsing for clothes in the mall last Monday. Grabe, sobrang sakit ng toes ko. Buti na lang, the guy was gentleman enough to say sorry, and throw me a cute smile. I didn't notice how cute he was then, sakit kasi eh. But now, I really regret why this type of event happens during unwanted circumstances. Go away, cute smile. shoooo....

Blogger! I didn't think someone would come up with such a brilliant invention! Thanks, Lyndon Gregorio of beerkada for letting me know about this. I saw it from one of his daily entries in his website. From now on, I'll be using this instead of painstakingly doing all the html stuff. It's kinda tiring and frustrating sometimes.

One more page and the website's finished! I learned hate philippines had already garnered approximately a thousand visits. Flattering, indeed! I'm glad it's working.

Work. Work. Woyk!