Vote

I'm not a big fan of Eminem. Actually, I hate some of his songs. But this new song entitled "Mosh" has a very essential meaning to it. Click on the picture to watch the music video... and learn from it. (This goes to all my friends in the United States)...

Parallel Universe

I live in this side of the universe. I believe that there is another side of this reality- Innumerable other sides of the universe. And they are created everytime we make choices. Sliding doors. Yes, when you choose one over the other, the discarded one stays and lives on, on the other side of the universe.

I made a big choice in 1999. I always refer to it as a crossroad where my life took a big turn, and I guess, everything became where they are supposed to be now. I turned my back on what was then a childhood dream. I guess I turned my back to what should have been after fulfilling that dream. And I guess I was wrong.

You see, that day when I was standing there, between those crossing roads,... that day still keeps haunting me. I always think of what should have been now if I took the other road, if I pursued my dreams, if I took all selfish actions just to reach that goal, and if I continued searching for you. I always think of what could have transpired if I ignored all distractions and focused on why in the first place I went away from home- to finally tell you what I felt for you, something that I've kept in two years of your absence, something that was slowly killing me during those days. I've looked- and God knows I tried- but with a weak heart, I gave up easily. That's when I took the other road. That's when everything became what they are now.

And I thought I could forget. A fool and a philosopher that I was, I stood my ground in believing that whatever happens next is not meant to be, it's what should be, and I should abide by it. But no. The other side of my reality lingered. I discovered that your world is still entwined with mine, and the world I built around you years ago is still there, just waiting to be cherished once more.

Seeing you after years of being away made me realize what a fool I was then. I was the world's greated fool for not grabbing that chance of telling you how I really feel. Now, you are still the most wonderful being I've ever seen. I may have told you how wonderful it was to have shared some moments with you, or this time, a breakfast with you. I may have told you how happy I would have been if it happened six years ago. But the truth is, those moments when we shared our thougths, when we were TOGETHER- those were the moments that defines my other universe. My other reality. And now that I have proven that you still are a big part of me, I find myself drifting in between these two roads again, where now, I am destined to go where I am now, yet I keep on staring back on the other one. I miss you so much, that I am confused now- thoughts of happy moments making me lonelier every single day.

Last Saturday, I've discovered more things about you that makes me wonder how it would be if you are mine. The wonders that you possess flows from your simplity. We have almost the same ideals, same sentiments, same hopes, same dreams, same roads to take. It would seem, as you've said, that I'm ahead of you in some ways, but the truth is- all the more that I regret those days in your absence because of this thought. If I would have been there with you, if I would have been a big part of your life, as you've always been in mine, things could have been different. Wonderfully different. And this feeling- regret- I know, is a terrible start of dismissing everything that I have now- a situation that I fear of facing in this life.

I told someone about being with you again just for breakfast. She told me that although I am convinced that that would be the last one- I am wrong. She's right. I was wrong. Terribly wrong. It's the first time after years that I felt so free and happy. And in a city where most sould drift in cold liquid state, this is one experience that would keep me warm for the longest time. Is this how hearts supposed to work? TO DESIRE MORE? I thought sharing some stories with you, catching up for good old times- of grabbing that long overdued opportunity to just be alone with you- would give me closure. Now I am overwhelmed by the horrible truth that THERE IS NO CLOSURE- that I will always want to have more of you, because now you are beautiful... and real, in every aspect that I could think of.

"In the world where sincerity has lost its meaning
You fill my world with so much hope..."

I've suffered two more sleepless nights and a number sad tears eversince. I never saw myself shedding tears for you before sunrise. It's almost like my soul is being torn off my being. I tried going out of the house, driving to a remote place where no one could hear me, weeping there as I call for you at the top of my voice... hoping that you could hear me from the other universe... hoping that this feelings would just go away. But these feelings just won't go away... they just won't. The next day came, and I still am the one who's desperately missing you. And I guess I really still am desperately in love with you as well.

"I Miss You"

Gimme a reason
Why I'm feeling so blue
Everytime I close my eyes, all I see is you
Gimme a reason
Why I can't feel my heart
Everytime you leave my side, I just fall apart

And when you're fast asleep, I wonder where you go
Can you tell me, I wanna know

Because I miss you
And this is all I wanna say
I guess I miss you, beautiful
These three words have said it all
You know I miss you
I think about you when you're gone
I guess I miss you, nothing's wrong
I don't need to carry on

Gimme a reason
Why I can't concentrate
The world is turning upside down
Spinning round and round
Gimme a reason
Why I now understand
The beauty and simplicity of everything surrounding me

You got a way of spreading magic everywhere
Anywhere I go, I know you're always there
It sounds ridiculous, but when you leave a room
There's a part of me that just wants to follow you too

Because I miss you
And this is all I wanna say
I guess I miss you, beautiful
These three words have said it all
You know I miss you
I think about you when you're gone
I guess I miss you, nothing's wrong
I don't need to carry on

It's such a hard life in most of the time
I'm just surviving
That's why I want you to know
In the world where sincerity has lost its meaning
You fill my world with so much hope

And I miss you
This is all I wanna say
I guess I miss you, beautiful
These three words have said it all
You know I miss you
I think about you when you're gone
I guess I miss you, nothing's wrong
I don't need to carry on

You know I miss you
And this all I wanna say
I guess I miss you, beautiful
These three words have said it all

You know I miss you
And this is all I wanna do
I know it doesn't sound too cool
But maybe I'm in love with you

You know I miss you
And this all I wanna say
I guess I miss you, nothing's wrong
I don't need to carry on

I just miss you
Yeah, it's true
I miss you, baby
And when you're walking out that door
I know I miss you
You make me wanna ask for more
I just miss you
Yeah, it's true
I miss you, baby...

"I Miss You"
sung by Darren Hayes / click picture to see the video

People speak out!

Seems like people are beginning to speak out again. KUDOS to those who came up with this. Sana, dumami pa ang mga katulad natin... (thanks, Jonas, for the pic!) :)

corruption is a way of life...

Katie:

I know someone who, after 11 years of loyal service, has been charged of THEFT by the North Luzon Expressway administration. This guy know three more from his department who has been charged with the same accusation. I'm not surprised. NLEX is closing in the coming months, and transferring authority to the Lopez clan. This guy whom I know should be receiving a sum of half a million pesos as separation pay. There's no need to expound on this. The thought that the Lopezes bending the law just to get their precious money off the poor workers is enough to make me sick.

But what can we do? These are the people who are currently running the country. There was a time when this is supposed to be a big secret from the public's eyes. Now, it's becoming a fact of life. The government has sold it's means to give us it's services (water, public works, NAPOCOR later on...). In the coming years, the Philippines is to become a big corporate machinery, where the government is useless, and the rich will control our destiny. Heck, if the government is to give off it's services through privatization, WHY ARE WE STILL OBLIGED TO PAY OUR TAXES. Imagine, my aunt, who is paid forty grands a week, has her earnings cut to almost half because of taxes. Where does the money go? Basic services? Hah.


Ahmad:

Congratulations! We are the 11th most corrupt country in the world. Two of our former presidents made it the top ten list of most corrupt leaders of all time. It makes you sometimes wish that corruption should have been an Olympic sport. Had it been an Olympic sport we would have a good chance of winning the gold. And why not? Corruption is so profound in this country that every single ministry of the government has a problem with graft and corruption. From the PCSO to the DPWH, graft is everywhere get used to it!

I haven't been much of an anti-GMA, but I think I'm pretty unsatisfied with how Gloria is running her country. And now Malacañang claims that former presidents Estrada and Marcos are to blame for the Philippines being included in that list. Man, was my intelligence insulted again? Come on! its been almost two decades since Marcos was ousted and almost half a decade since Erap has been arrested. But the status quo really didn't change that much now, did it? I mean if other countries saw how much we have worked hard to fight corruption, then they wouldn't include us in that list of most corrupt countries. To get over a screw up GMA can lift a finger or point a finger (to Marcos and Erap), she chose the easy way to cover her @ss.

So what do we propose now? do we go to EDSA again and oust a president? Then what? Do we replace her with another president, and if that presidents screws up again do we keep going back to EDSA? Although people power is has been the greatest legacy of the Philippines, it can also be and inevitably become our own Frankenstein monster.

Lets put it in simple analogy. Have a basketful of fresh tomatoes and put one rotten tomato inside it. Every fresh tomato will eventually be spoiled. It does not matter if you keep adding more fresh tomatoes in the basket, they will all be spoiled unless you remove all that is rotten and make sure that the basket is clean. I am not suggesting for the resignation of all public officials and neither do I want to promote anarchy. Until we get at to the very core of the system and change it, we will keep ending up right where we started. I remember a friend of mine who used to work in congress, he said that a rookie congressman is very idealistic, dedicated, and principled. But once he realizes the political realities, such as you need to have friends to support your legislation, and to maintain your political Career, before his first term is up he will also be corrupt. Give him another term and he will also begin to corrupt others.

Don't you think that it is so funny that we know how much is being lost every year because of graft and corruption, we also know where graft and corruption happens, we know how it happens, and we know when it happens. If we knew so much, then how come no public official in the national level at least has been jailed. Erap has been arrested but he is not exactly in jail. In fact Sandigan bayan asked Erap to donate one of his rest houses to the government so he can be detained there. I have a better suggestion for the sandigan bayan, why don't they just dress up in red clown suit on the next hearing and ask Erap to donate the infamous Boracay mansion, so he can be detained there. If sandigan bayan is to make an infomercial it should include the slogan, "Kung akusahan ka ng bayan, huwag kang mag-alala, may sandigan kang matibay, sagot ka ng Sandigan bayan!". So boys and girls, the message to you is loud and clear, if your gonna steal something, make sure you do it when you are the highest public official, because you become special in the eyes of the judiciary.

Oh and here is another one. Major General Carlos Garcia, failed to attend several sessions of congress, because his doctor said that he is in a critical condition that he needs to be confined in the intensive care unit. He has sleep apnea! that in simple english means, he snores when he sleeps. Hey! my room mate snores when he sleeps, but he wasn't hospitalized for that. AFP is also providing him with security because he is receiving death threats. Now this is the first time that I saw a suspect being given security by the state. Now of course AFP is being pissed off with congress saying that the allegations of corruption in the AFP is demoralizing the entire military. Oh is that so?! if they are so demoralized, then why don't they investigate Gen. Garcia themselves I mean my parents told me that if I stole something from anybody, the first punishment I should worry about is the one coming from them, because they wanted to protect our family's integrity. Hold up! isn't honesty and integrity part of the PMA motto? hmmmm.

You know what I fantasize doing sometimes? I want to wear that Punisher costume (Black shirt printed with the big white menacing skull) carry a fully loaded 50 caliber machine gun, walk in the middle of the session hall of congress or senate or even Malacañang, and go ala Tony Montana (Al Pacino's character in the movie Scarface)saying "Say ello to my little friend!", and spray every one with bullets. Talk about gangsta justice! Damn I love Scarface!

OK seriously now. I think the bottom line here is that corruption has been part of the culture of our government. The only way to go about it is to promote massive catharsis among all public officials. But until that day happens, ill still be keeping into consideration that Punisher costume and all that Scarface Quote.

Wake-up Call

Where were you during the last earthquake? I was still awake then, watching a boring movie (Around the World in 80 Days) as past-time activity because I still couldn't sleep. I thought my pamangkin was just moving my chair, as he would always do to pick up a fight. When our celing fan began to rock, I was convinced that the ground was really shaking. I didn't panic. I told my pamangkin and my mom to stay put and be calm. Good thing my dad was already asleep then, so I wouldn't have to worry about his heart that moment. Two minutes after, it was gone. I sent my Elmo a text message to check if he's safe. It turned out he already positioned himself in his office's pantry just so in case something happens, he's sure that he'd have food supply. (Veeery funny.)

The next day, I overheard my mom and a neighbor chatting about that recent earthquake. I think I heard my neighbor say "Hindi na ako magtataka kung katapusan na ng mundo,... sa dami ng problema sa Pilipinas, at sa galit ng tao..." A typical common tao response. But who could blame her? After all the beatings and sufferings the common people are experiencing right now, without a clue who or what is causing it because of cover-ups, misleading publicity and widespread lies, I wouldn't be surprised if they see natural phenomena as the only hope for salvation. I wouldn't even be surprised also if they blame it all to nature... or God, why their lives are miserable.

Natural disasters mainly caused by human negligence, electricity bills and taxes going up almost every week while wages are maintained flat on the surface, the continuously degrading Filipino lifestyle, scarcity of food and quality education, misconduct , graft and corruption by soul-less public officials, widespread crime and poverty, ... if these are punishments, where are these punishments coming from? Heaven? Or just somewhere obvious, yet we're just so preoccupied by self-pity and submission to be aware of it?

I just got home from Europe, after a long series of business trips. It was tiring, yes, but a great experience to sum it all. I've met a lot of Filipinos there, specially in Italy. I've noticed that no matter how difficult life could be away from home, I see in their eyes that there is still hope- hope that is slowly fading in the eyes of our people. There, life is not that frustrating, because they feel they are rewarded. Every drop of sweat is worth something. And there is no feeling of remorse and fear towards a bigger entity that lurks behind them, like scavengers always ready to take something... everything from you. There, they feel safe. They feel rewarded. They feel life. They are happy. Here? Can we say that we always feel safe? Do we feel the value of every cent that we've worked for? Do we feel rewarded in every effort that we do? Are Filipinos still hopeful that a brighter future is still possible if they stay here in their own place? Again, are Filipinos generally happy?

If I'm not mistaken, it was just last month when Manila was also awakened by a slight earthquake. "Napapadalas yata ang lindol ngayon," said my Mom to initiate a usual chat with our neighbor. It's weird. But maybe it's not a way to punish us, because if so, it should have been a big devastating one. Maybe it's just God giving us a gentle wake-up call. "Hey, I'm still here. Time to wake up."

PinoyExpats!

I'm in PinoyExpats.org!!!! This website is basically about insights of Filipino living in Europe. You can check this cool website out... and be sure to read my mind-boggling essay there. It's entitled "Dissecting a (Filipino) Brain", and I wrote it a couple of months ago. Click here if you want to read it. It's canned-reality.

Hmmm... maybe I should make this one as a career too. Kudos and thanks to the people of PinoyExpats! I love you guys! :)

I believe...

I miss Savage Garden. It's been a while since I last heard Darren Hayes voice on the radio. I still consider "I Knew I Love You" and "Truly, Madly, Deeply" as two of my most favorite songs. Just today, before going to work, this was what's playing on my radio. Ah... This is how to start a day right...

Affirmation
Savage Garden

I believe the sun should never set upon an argument
I believe we place our happiness in other people's hands
I believe that junk food tastes so good because it's bad for you
I believe your parents did the best job they knew how to do
I believe that beauty magazines promote low self esteem
I believe I'm loved when I'm completely by myself alone

I believe in Karma what you give is what you get returned
I believe you can't appreciate real love until you've been burned
I believe the grass is no more greener on the other side
I believe you don't know what you've got until you say goodbye

I believe you can't control or choose your sexuality
I believe that trust is more important than monogamy
I believe your most attractive features are your heart and soul
I believe that family is worth more than money or gold

I believe the struggle for financial freedom is unfair
I believe the only ones who disagree are millionaires

I believe in Karma what you give is what you get returned
I believe you can't appreciate real love until you've been burned
I believe the grass is no more greener on the other side
I believe you don't know what you've got until you say goodbye

I believe forgiveness is the key to your unhappiness
I believe that wedded bliss negates the need to be undressed
I believe that God does not endorse TV evangelists
I believe in love surviving death into eternity

I believe in Karma what you give is what you get returned
I believe you can't appreciate real love until you've been burned
I believe the grass is no more greener on the other side
I believe you don't know what you've got until you say goodbye

Resident Evil: Apocalyse

Of all the scary games in the ancient PlayStation One (now PSOne), Resident Evil: Nemesis is the only one to which I got hooked till the end of the game's story. I just love Jill Valentine. To me, she is the most stylish woman to hit the scary side of today's gaming. I even bought a tight tube, black skirt with cream stripe, skyblue cardigan, leather boots and one big military belt to adorn my waist, to show it off during our college org's Halloween party (oh... those were good old college days!) Damn, if only I could post the picture here... but I won't, of course.

Now, seeing my favorite character on the silverscreen got me so excited, I went to my old chest just to try on my old costume once I got home. Damn damn... I just love it when they make movies out of my favorite stuff. And the sequel to Resident Evil is quite a nice flick, really. Nemesis got me scared a little. Yeah yeah... too many cheesy stuff and the usual horror stereotypes, but hey! At least this is a whole lot better than Feng Shui.

I can't wait for the sequel. Of course, there should be a third.

Makes me wonder: If the surrounding area of Malacañang becomes infected by a deadly virus, and people are transformed into undead creatures, and there's no choice but to give those dirty politicians infected by the virus a bullet between their eyes, I choose to become this kickass girl. Whoohooo!

We're not actually doomed like Raccoon City. But we will be, soon, if we don't act. And just a few people acting won't do. We need to wake up people like us who are beginning to accept that a life of suffering is their fate, because we do not deserve such fate.

I was once as optimistic as some people here who say we still have lots of hope left. We are scarce with hope. We dream of hope because it's almost an illusion already.

But I do believe change will still come. The Filipino survived 2 colonizers before we got our independence. I just hope we don't undergo two corrupt presidencies more to realize we need to free ourselves of this wretched system once and for all.

Ganyan talaga ang buhay? No. To hell with submission.