Parallel Universe

I live in this side of the universe. I believe that there is another side of this reality- Innumerable other sides of the universe. And they are created everytime we make choices. Sliding doors. Yes, when you choose one over the other, the discarded one stays and lives on, on the other side of the universe.

I made a big choice in 1999. I always refer to it as a crossroad where my life took a big turn, and I guess, everything became where they are supposed to be now. I turned my back on what was then a childhood dream. I guess I turned my back to what should have been after fulfilling that dream. And I guess I was wrong.

You see, that day when I was standing there, between those crossing roads,... that day still keeps haunting me. I always think of what should have been now if I took the other road, if I pursued my dreams, if I took all selfish actions just to reach that goal, and if I continued searching for you. I always think of what could have transpired if I ignored all distractions and focused on why in the first place I went away from home- to finally tell you what I felt for you, something that I've kept in two years of your absence, something that was slowly killing me during those days. I've looked- and God knows I tried- but with a weak heart, I gave up easily. That's when I took the other road. That's when everything became what they are now.

And I thought I could forget. A fool and a philosopher that I was, I stood my ground in believing that whatever happens next is not meant to be, it's what should be, and I should abide by it. But no. The other side of my reality lingered. I discovered that your world is still entwined with mine, and the world I built around you years ago is still there, just waiting to be cherished once more.

Seeing you after years of being away made me realize what a fool I was then. I was the world's greated fool for not grabbing that chance of telling you how I really feel. Now, you are still the most wonderful being I've ever seen. I may have told you how wonderful it was to have shared some moments with you, or this time, a breakfast with you. I may have told you how happy I would have been if it happened six years ago. But the truth is, those moments when we shared our thougths, when we were TOGETHER- those were the moments that defines my other universe. My other reality. And now that I have proven that you still are a big part of me, I find myself drifting in between these two roads again, where now, I am destined to go where I am now, yet I keep on staring back on the other one. I miss you so much, that I am confused now- thoughts of happy moments making me lonelier every single day.

Last Saturday, I've discovered more things about you that makes me wonder how it would be if you are mine. The wonders that you possess flows from your simplity. We have almost the same ideals, same sentiments, same hopes, same dreams, same roads to take. It would seem, as you've said, that I'm ahead of you in some ways, but the truth is- all the more that I regret those days in your absence because of this thought. If I would have been there with you, if I would have been a big part of your life, as you've always been in mine, things could have been different. Wonderfully different. And this feeling- regret- I know, is a terrible start of dismissing everything that I have now- a situation that I fear of facing in this life.

I told someone about being with you again just for breakfast. She told me that although I am convinced that that would be the last one- I am wrong. She's right. I was wrong. Terribly wrong. It's the first time after years that I felt so free and happy. And in a city where most sould drift in cold liquid state, this is one experience that would keep me warm for the longest time. Is this how hearts supposed to work? TO DESIRE MORE? I thought sharing some stories with you, catching up for good old times- of grabbing that long overdued opportunity to just be alone with you- would give me closure. Now I am overwhelmed by the horrible truth that THERE IS NO CLOSURE- that I will always want to have more of you, because now you are beautiful... and real, in every aspect that I could think of.

"In the world where sincerity has lost its meaning
You fill my world with so much hope..."

I've suffered two more sleepless nights and a number sad tears eversince. I never saw myself shedding tears for you before sunrise. It's almost like my soul is being torn off my being. I tried going out of the house, driving to a remote place where no one could hear me, weeping there as I call for you at the top of my voice... hoping that you could hear me from the other universe... hoping that this feelings would just go away. But these feelings just won't go away... they just won't. The next day came, and I still am the one who's desperately missing you. And I guess I really still am desperately in love with you as well.

"I Miss You"

Gimme a reason
Why I'm feeling so blue
Everytime I close my eyes, all I see is you
Gimme a reason
Why I can't feel my heart
Everytime you leave my side, I just fall apart

And when you're fast asleep, I wonder where you go
Can you tell me, I wanna know

Because I miss you
And this is all I wanna say
I guess I miss you, beautiful
These three words have said it all
You know I miss you
I think about you when you're gone
I guess I miss you, nothing's wrong
I don't need to carry on

Gimme a reason
Why I can't concentrate
The world is turning upside down
Spinning round and round
Gimme a reason
Why I now understand
The beauty and simplicity of everything surrounding me

You got a way of spreading magic everywhere
Anywhere I go, I know you're always there
It sounds ridiculous, but when you leave a room
There's a part of me that just wants to follow you too

Because I miss you
And this is all I wanna say
I guess I miss you, beautiful
These three words have said it all
You know I miss you
I think about you when you're gone
I guess I miss you, nothing's wrong
I don't need to carry on

It's such a hard life in most of the time
I'm just surviving
That's why I want you to know
In the world where sincerity has lost its meaning
You fill my world with so much hope

And I miss you
This is all I wanna say
I guess I miss you, beautiful
These three words have said it all
You know I miss you
I think about you when you're gone
I guess I miss you, nothing's wrong
I don't need to carry on

You know I miss you
And this all I wanna say
I guess I miss you, beautiful
These three words have said it all

You know I miss you
And this is all I wanna do
I know it doesn't sound too cool
But maybe I'm in love with you

You know I miss you
And this all I wanna say
I guess I miss you, nothing's wrong
I don't need to carry on

I just miss you
Yeah, it's true
I miss you, baby
And when you're walking out that door
I know I miss you
You make me wanna ask for more
I just miss you
Yeah, it's true
I miss you, baby...

"I Miss You"
sung by Darren Hayes / click picture to see the video