One cannot really escape love, specially when it hurts.

Just recently, my ex-boyfriend called me via phone. He told me he kinda missed the days when we were together. They were happy days, he said. Why? Isn't he happy now? I asked, but there was no clear answer. Boys answer questions that way when in denial, I know. But whether or not he is happy, the thought of him trying to contact me every now and then bothers me a lot. This is the reason why every relationship, if meant not to last, must be, at least, provided with a proper closure. Otherwise, there will be no peace of mind in both parties.

Closure. If I would wish for closure, I should start it within myself. Now, how would I provide closure to the only memories I have of college that bring smiles on my face? "Right," said I, "We were happy then." Stupid Katie! It would have probably showed some signs that I miss him! But I do miss him. Even as I plunge to leisure and pleasure here in the States, I could not get him out of my mind since he called me.

But he IS happy. He has his own life now. He has a family. He has a cute kid. A loving wife. A nice profession in the field of medicine... It's all that he wished for when we were together. Yes, he told me that it would be best if we were together when those dreams do come true, but that was the past. He has all that he wishes for now, so why still think about me. I have my own life, too! I have my mom with me, my dad, Garfield (my golden retriever). I've always wanted to be seen on TV, and that, too, came true. I've always wanted to be an officegirl someday, and that came true, too. Without him, that is.

And so, why am I even writing these grievances? Except for being a Filipino citizen in this era of political/economic turmoil, I should be happy with what I have right now. I have proven that I could go on without him. But why am I still thinking of what-should-have-beens and what-could-have-happeneds? Why do I miss him? Do I still love him? I don't. I hate him... but why do I miss those days, too?

I just hate sleepless nights.