Kulimlim vs. Spiderman 2

(no poster available on the net)

What I've seen so far: KULIMLIM
Directed by Maryo J. de los Reyes
Starring: Robin Padilla, Tanya Garcia, Jiro Manio, some girl
Viva Films' official entry to the Manila Film Festival
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When Robin gets psychotic he turns comical. The movie poster should read: "Kung sa trailer mukhang nakakatakot, sa dilim ng sinehan nakakabagot." ("If the trailer looks scary, watch the full movie and you will laugh.") "Kulimlim" is another reason why the movie industry in this country is veeeery far from reaching Hollywood status.

"Babarurutin kita," Robin says to Tanya. This freaks her out. The audience cracks up. In the final scene Tanya tries to flee from her psychcomic husband slash rapist, but he overpowers her, and uses the "barurot" word twice like it was something from a Terrence Gil-Bud Spencer movie ("I want to balanga you with my bonnie jonnie...") then gets down and dirty with her.

Tanya resists and manages to pick up the cross that she dropped earlier with her tussle with her psychcomic son slash rapist (Jiro). Then she utters that killer line which will haunt her acting career forever: "Makukuha mo ang aking katawan, pero hindi ang aking kaluluwa..." ("You may take my body, but not my soul-soul-soul-soul...") [Hello, Roy Iglesias...is that you?]

In her struggle to survive she impales possessed Robin with the cross.

ROBIN: Auuuugh!!!! [readies to die]

AUDIENCE: [laughter at Robin's slow-fast psychcomic death.]

KID IN AUDIENCE: Ay, nanay, natatanggal yung prostetik ni Robin. ("Look ma, no tiyan!")

Then when the police, the priest and the townsfolk arrive (with full knowledge of what transpired though they were not privy to the inner workings of the supernatural forces around) Tanya regrets and calls out to her dead husband: "Jake! Jake! [Robin's character] Patawarin mo ako..." ("Forgive me for I have impaled you on the mystery cross that was given to me by a good priest at the start of this movie lest I come into contact with the forces of the devil! but then you were dead anyway...")

AUDIENCE: [more laughter]

CREDITS. [Hay, salamat.]

While exiting the cinema I hear some co-ed students fooling around. One guy says to a girl: "Babarurutin kita!"

And the girl says: "Gusto mong saksakin kita ng krus?"

I hear a kid asking her mother: "Mama, bakit sa gitna ng movie nagkabraces si Tanya Garcia, eh di ba stranded nga sila doon sa haunted house?"

"Oo, anak...matakot ka."



Next: Spiderman 2
Directed by Sam Raimi
Starring: Tobey Maguire, Kirsten Dunst, James Franco, Alfred Molina
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This sequel to the first Spiderman movie is yet to hit theatres on June 30. Supposed plot: Peter Parker is beset with numerous personal problems while Spider-Man confronts the brilliant Dr. Otto Octavius, who has been transformed into "Doctor Octopus" (aka, "Doc Ock"), a multi-tentacled menace. Oozing with another fabulous plot adorned by wonderful special effects. I can't wait.

Anyway,... and the winner is: SPIDERMAN 2!