action! (???)

MANO MANO 3: ARNIS, THE LOST ART
Starring: Ronnie Ricketts, Bruce Ricketts, Leila Kuzma, Gwen
Garci, Mandy Ochoa, Ricardo Cepeda, Dick Israel,
Monsour del Rosario
Writer/Director: "Ronn-Rick"
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This has nothing to do with the other Mano Mano movies (what
Mano Mano movies?). The subtitle should read: THE LOST ART
OF FILMMAKING. This, ladies and gentlemen is a new Tagalog
movie genre: it's an INACTION FILM.

MONSOUR DEL ROSARIO: I'm the SPO4 who dies at the beginning
of the movie to motivate my brother and son to seek revenge. I
die a gruesome death at the hands of a Japanese named Tanaka.
He beheads me but then Direk says we have no budget for
prosthetics so my head is attached even if I'm supposed to be
headless.

BRUCE RICKETTS: I'm the son of SPO4 Aragon (and the brother of
the writer, director, stunt coordinator, bida). I know arnis but I
don't know acting. I beat the crap out of the bad guy in the end.

GWEN GARCI: I am a Viva Hot Babe going solo. I wear skimpy
clothes and gyrate for a few seconds. I may be an extra here, but
let's face it, I'm more sikat than anyone in the cast.

RONNIE RICKETTS: I'm the bida, the writer, the director, the stunt
coordinator, and this movie is a labor of love. I did most
everything for this movie, it's made me look so old and tired.
Still, I beat the bad guys...and when I couldn't, Bruce took over. I
want to promote arnis even if I don't know how to make a movie.
It's a revenge movie. My SPO4 brother gets killed so we seek
revenge, Bruce and I. My name here is Nato Aragon. Along the
way, I fall in love with a reporter. Bruce says we look bagay
together, but if you see us on screen, we look like father and
son, but ok lang. It's a tricky movie. It's hard to make an action
movie now, so this is the first action movie WITHOUT any
action...instead we found a way around it, we made it a drama
movie...but since no one in the cast can really act, it's not a
drama...it's INACTION.

Here is the most dramatic scene:
: Nato, bakit ka nandito? Bukas ka na ang laban niyo sa
arnis, hindi ka pa nag-eensayo. [Hey, loverdude who can be my
father, why are we here in the city of Manila when we're
supposed to be showing many action sequences of you training?
Why is most of the movie shot like a tourism documentary for
Manila? Is Lito Atienza our producer?]

: Hindi. Ayoko na. Susuko na ako. Akala ko magaling
na ako, hindi pala. Ang dami ko pa palang dapat matutunan.
[No, I don't want to go on. Why did I even bother doing this
movie? I should have made an arnis documentary instead. Mas
matipid pa!]

: Huwag kang ganyan. Oo, pinutol nga ni Tanaka ang
arnis mo, pero ang gamit niya samurai...bakal iyon, kahoy lang
ang iyo. Pero huwag kang mawalan ng pag-asa. [So your
Japanese xenophobia stems from castration anxiety, so what? I
still love you.]

: Tama kuya. Saka may tinago ang itay para sa iyo dahil
alam niyang aabot sa ganito ito bago siya namatay...narito
ang...BAKAL NA ARNIS...nis nis nis!

The movie is so good it's rumored that Regal Films has bought
the sequel rights for this December's Regal entry to the Metro
Manila Film Festival, casting Ronnie Ricketts with FPJ's wife
Susan Roces: MANO MANO 4/MANO PO 3: EDSA 4 -- the Mother
of all sequels.