screw the status quo. we need change and we need it now. we need not a leader who plays with words and public funds. we need not a leader whose years of service fall under the 'fiction' category. we definitely need not a leader who knows nothing. we require a leader who has conviction, who has the guts to change the seemingly unchangeable. we need... to prepare for 2007. Now.

Tuesday, June 14, 2005

Stranger from now on

Tomorrow, my Elmo would fly away to somewhere he chooses not to let me know. He's flying away from me. I know the world is such a small place, and I can always find him if I'd want to. But it's not the way it is now. It's like in such a small place, he had established a whole universe between us. And I'm here somewhere where I can't even feel his presence.

Finally, he had left, many says. It's karma, his friends say. I know. So this is how it feels to be left behind. Empty. Everything just turns to black and white. Everything turns cold and lifeless. Although moving on is the only choice I have, seems like there's no easy way to get through it.

So this is how it feels when it's proven that dreams would just be dreams forever. Love songs become meaningless. Songs that speak of the woes of a broken heart turn out to be catalysts of hurting. Songs that used to make you smile now makes you cry.

I've slept almost all the time during these weekends. Falling asleep still feels like slow death. Waking up feels even worse. Funny, I thought I'd suffer from dehydration since I didn't take in anything since Friday. No, I'm not submitting myself to self-inflicted punishment. I just have no drive to go on, though I know I must in the days that will come. Oh I wish the sun would just stay stuck on the horizon at sunset. Crying seems to be the only option to all the questions that destiny has brought this little life of mine. Because there are no answers to why I suffer so much these days.

And it's even much difficult now that I'm alone with this feeling. I can't tell anyone about it, much more can't I show it. It seems that my room's the only witness to my very own lonely silence. No one to wipe my tears away but my pillows and my blankets...

I'm not entirely left with nothing, though. I'm left with memories that sadly will remain memories forever. He also left me a story to finish. Come to think of it, my story has just ended when another story is just to begin. I'm still looking forward to it's realization. I'm still excited to share it with the world- the only story that will render my love for him endless. For now, let me just dwell in the sadness that I deserve, as hurting is the only part that I have in this part of the story. For now.

"If you knew how happy you were making me, I never thought that I'd love anyone so much..."

I love you, my Elmo. I'll never look forward to seeing you anymore, just as how you'd want it to be. You can go on with life now, away from me. You can now be happy with the one whom you have chosen to be happy with. I'll forever think of you, but I will not hope that we meet again. I'll just let destiny do it's part now, just as how destiny had led me closer to you in these past years. If we're truly meant to meet one day, I only wish it'd rain that day, just as that day when I first held your hands and realized that I love you. I'd still sing your songs, read your poems, cherish our memories together. Please let me do so, as this is the only way I could go on for now. Take these away, and you have left me with nothing.

I never said goodbye, for you'll always be here with me anyway. "Feels like home to me... Feels like I'm always back where I belong..."


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