screw the status quo. we need change and we need it now. we need not a leader who plays with words and public funds. we need not a leader whose years of service fall under the 'fiction' category. we definitely need not a leader who knows nothing. we require a leader who has conviction, who has the guts to change the seemingly unchangeable. we need... to prepare for 2007. Now.

Thursday, June 02, 2005

Ahmad on Action Star Syndrome


Is there such a syndrome called "action star complex?" There is a Peter Pan Complex, there is a Soap Opera syndrome. But I think there also should be an action
star syndrome.

In Philippine action movies, the hero is handsome, he is cunning, he is bold, and oozing with testosterone. He can kill a thousand enemies with limited ammunition. He can fist fight with six goons who are bigger than pro wrestlers. He always defends the oppressed from the aristocrats. He always gets the women at the end of the day. And when the movie ends, he becomes a senator or maybe even a president.

Here are some FAQs about action stars

1.) Why on earth would they always wear thick leather jackets in a scorching hot climate?

2.) Why do they pick leading ladies that are young enough to be their daughters and grand daughters?

3.) How come they always end up in a brawl when they enter beer houses?

4.) How can they annihilate a battalion full of enemies by themselves with limited ammunition?

5.) How come they always accurately hit their enemies without even aiming?

(Note: If our police officers and soldiers can do numbers 4 & 5, imagine how much the Philippine government would be saving from weapon and ammunition expenditures?)

6.) How come they always have to chit chat and drop those cheesey one liners with the bad guy before they finally start killing each other?

7.) Why do cops always come at the end of the climax to clean up the mess?

8.) And how come these action stars think that they can be as victorious in Politics.

Forgive me for saying these. But so far, all action star politicians we had at the national level created more disgrace to the institution, than gave valuable contributions.

I can understand why they get elected. The hero is an underdog who triumphs against all odds. The masses loves that. And because of this movie producers have relied on this formula to keep selling movie tickets. Enter the factor that our pathetic social structure values too little the benefits of educating people, since aristocrats thought people are of more use to them if they remain ignorant. Enter poverty, wherein it comes to the point people will believe the fairytales about action heros, if it gives them some sort of hope in a system where all of it is lost. And finally, enter these action stars who think they can use politics as a pathetic excuse to extend thier celebrity status.

Forgive mois for saying that at the status quo, these people do not have the right nor the qualification to hold public office at the national leve;. I think they take the "able-to-read-and-right-minimum requirement" waaaay too seriously. And by saying these, I just placed myself in the stereotype of the "kontra-bida". Oh yeah! pinuno na ni Ahmad ang salop dapat na siyang kalusin! Sheeesh like I give a rats ass anyway. Guess what? in real life kontra-bidas win!

Here my top 5 worst action star- turned- politicians. Due to the respect I have for FPJ, and the fact that he never held public office, I did not include him.

5.) Jingoy Estrada (a.k.a Wilson Sorronda/ Asiong Salonga Jr.)- If the sanete is an action movie, it should be entitled to anak ni "Asiong Salonga". Truly daddy should be so proud of him. He is such a great actor, he can even fake a heart attack or ailment. Why didn't he act dead while he was at it anyways? Oh I know, May namamatay bang bida sa pelikula? The senate tasked him to investigate on the escort service controversy, and again his acting prowess was displayed here. But come on! if he didn't care about his father's own illicit affairs at the expense of tax payers money, what makes you think he cares about his other fellow politicians. Investigation is over, but what has it achieved anyway? nothing! none were even reprimanded for conduct unbecoming. How I wished the senate just told the public that they don't want to do a damn thing about the escort issue. That would have been easier to swallow.

4.) Ramon Revilla Jr. (a.k.a Alyas Pogi)- What the hell is this guy doing in a sitcom? He claims that he needs to feed his family? Oh yeah right! The how was he able to support his candidacy? What has he been up to lately? Asking SM cinemas not to ban sexy films, and passing important laws to improve the pathetic movie industry. Hey! with all these problems we are facing we could use a little bit of entertainment.... right?

3.) Ramon Revilla Sr. (a.k.a Nardong Putik)- The so-called agimat ng masa. His agimat is so powerful that he managed to earn two consecutive terms in the senate despite of the fact that he had the most number of absences during sessions, and the least number of passed bills. Translation? arguably one of the most inept and incompetent senators in senate history. Damn, I wonder if he passed that agimat to Junior.

2.) Joseph Estrada (a.k.a Erap/ Asiong Salonga)- Who could ever forget "Huwag nyo akong subukan"? Even timemagazine claimed that this guy thinks his presidency is an action movie wherein he is the hero. Wait a minute, he claims that it is. Remember how he said he would survive Edsa 2? That must have shattered his ego, things didn't go well according to script. This guy started it all, an inspiration to a lot of senator wannabes. And now that he is detained, he has the lifestyle that Snoop Dogg would envy. His estate/prison was even featured in a magazine, like it was the lifestyles of the rich and famous. Truly a legend.

Drum Roll

1.) Lito Lapid (a.k.a Leon Guerrero)- When the press came to his mansion to interview him regarding his plans for the senate, he put up a fist-fight exhibition with his stunt men instead. When asked about his take on the escort controversy he said "basta nagkabayaran hindi na dapat ungkatin". How does he intend to stop illegal loggers? he would make an infomercial with him wearing a black cowboy outfit, and riding a horse. How would he recognize the heroismof legendary Huk leader Luis Taruc? by making a movie about him. With Lapid in the lead role of course. Why did he get angry with the other senators? because they did not give him a copy of their privilege speech, so that he could have had time to translate it in tagalog. Please enlighten me here. How does an official, who swears under oath, to defend and protect the constitution of this republic, when he himself admits he does not understand it? In fact how does a person whose main job is supposedly to make laws for this country, can afford not to bother studying the most important law of all? I don't memorize the constitution, but I have the general knowledge of whats in it. It is my duty as a citizen to know it. He claims that he does not learn anything from senate debate. Oh gee great! so now the other senators has this obligation to educate him. You know what? This guy will surpass Erap someday.

Welcome to the action star republic!

3 Comments:

Anonymous whiner said...

1.) Why on earth would they always wear thick leather jackets in a scorching hot climate?

coz it makes them look tough. kinda like those executives wearing two-piece suits in this humid climate, it's the alpha male show-off front.

2.) Why do they pick leading ladies that are young enough to be their daughters and grand daughters?

Er, coz nobody would want to see a 45 year old leading lady in a movie. young girls/youth means more impregnable, which would match the virility of our alpha male action star.

3.) How come they always end up in a brawl when they enter beer houses?

coz people get intoxicated in beer houses. hey even this happens in the real world. ever heard of the number of drunk guys who get stabbed/shot for singing 'my way' in beerhouses?

4.) How can they annihilate a battalion full of enemies by themselves with limited ammunition?

its a combination of skills, fighting ability, agimat. yeah this has no basis in reality.

5.) How come they always accurately hit their enemies without even aiming?

(Note: If our police officers and soldiers can do numbers 4 & 5, imagine how much the Philippine government would be saving from weapon and ammunition expenditures?)

they do aim.

6.) How come they always have to chit chat and drop those cheesey one liners with the bad guy before they finally start killing each other?

some plot points are revealed during these conversations. this is an old movie trick. that's killing filipino style. if characters getting whacked just like that is your cup of tea then watch american gangster movies.

7.) Why do cops always come at the end of the climax to clean up the mess?

doesn't this happen in the real world even? they may not be there in 15 second movie time but they do show up in the real world, like 30 minutes to an hour after they get called up. but our directors and editors won't bother showing that coz it cost a lot of money or maybe they're just lazy.

8.) And how come these action stars think that they can be as victorious in Politics.

coz they have a huge fanbase of voters who like their movies who couldn't tell the difference between the actor from the action star.

6:56 AM

 
Anonymous whiner said...

4.) How can they annihilate a battalion full of enemies by themselves with limited ammunition?

its a combination of skills, fighting ability, agimat. yeah this has no basis in reality.

This is also a throw back from the old hollywood westers, from which the likes of lito lapid copied a lot from

7:05 AM

 
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Lito is a nimrod and has no place in governing a country

12:17 AM

 

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